Problems at Work

I had been working at my new job for about five years now and the last nine months were extremely difficult for me. I couldn't hide the illness anymore, everyone knew I was really sick. I had lost around thirty pounds, I had a white/yellowish complexion, my balance was off, and I was struggling with my memory recall. My boss was under pressure from the other managers to ask me to go on medical leave. I must say that she supported me to the very end. She knew I was really sick but she was very compassionate to me, never a cross word. The bottom line was that everyone had lost confidence in my ability to perform my duties. I felt so isolated because I was never asked to go to lunch with the guys where I use to go everyday. It was like I just didn't exist. It was obvious that I made my co-workers feel uncomfortable being around me. There was one person in my area that didn't run from me when I approached her. Her sister had just won an awful fight with cancer and she supported me by just understanding what I was going through.

One morning I woke up to get ready to go to work and I was totally out of it. I couldn't dress myself, brush my teeth, shave, and belligerent to my family. I thought everyone was out to get to me. It is very hard to put it into words but the best thing I can relate it to are those dreams where everything is all messed up. In the dream you know it's not right but there is nothing you can do about it and it is very frustrating. You only know it's a dream when you wake up. I didn't wake up from my nightmare for a week. I was walking and trying to talk normal but I would do strange things like start a fire in the back yard. This was the first time my family knew at a gut level my sickness was for real. They were freaked out. My ammonia level had risen to over 120.

When I returned to work I got the cold shoulder from everyone except for my boss and a few of my biker buddies. Evidently while I was out for the week there was a big push for my boss to deal with me. She did but not how the other managers wanted it to be dealt with. Some people just wanted me gone. After a few weeks my ammonia levels starting dropping but never to a normal level. I was hanging on by a thread for the last six months.